Good Bye 2008...and Good Bye- SADNESS

Today is the last day of the year of 2008...when i recalled back, there was something that really make me down and sad...if you are my close frens then u will know what i am mentioning... three more hours den we will greet the year of 2009...Now, everyone is celerating and me? give one of my close fren "fong fei gei"...

Today, two of my frens come down from Gua Musang...and i feel extremely excited for the past whole week..cause i din see this fren for 2 months...i am happy cause i really do miss my fren...Things are not what exactly i think..things are not on the right track...SO, the conclusion is I THINK TOO MUCH and I DO TOO MUCH...i not angry cause u fong fei gei...i just feel EXTREMEMLY DISSAPPOINTED... i am counting and counting and feel exicited to meet my frens...but, at the end...i realised... i am not important... Once ago, may be you are very important to your fren, but now may be your fren do not need you anymore in their life...QUite sad rite?

From this afternoon, they said they want to go and meet their friends and said will call me and confirm later where we are going...actually i agreed to go for a place with my another gang of friends...i "fong fei gei" them cause i want to acc them.U know what, i waited for the whole day...i keep on checking whether my fon rang? everytime when i checked, i feel disappointed. My fon do not even have a message...so, i told myself may be they are busy, they will called me for dinner...at the end, they do not and ask me do not wait cause they are in another place with some friends...when i heard that, i feel that i really done TOO much...i not blaming them cause i am the one who decided to acc them..

i do not have my dinner yet, but is ok ...i don think i don have any mood to have my dinner d... This fren , i really do appreciate...i know my friend do not come to Ipoh always, so i decided to give all my time to them, BUT, i am doing too much...I got alot of things to share and talk to my fren, but i do not have that chance... I told my parents that i am going back to KL cause i am going do find A house to move in...but i am not actually...But is not important anymore cause i think i should not follow my fren go back to "KL"... cause i really think that i should not think too much anymore... i gave my fren a chance but no one will really appreciate the chance, so i think i am giving up..

New year is coming, but why i do not feel that things are going to be NEW? I do not like GOOD-BYE...but now, i will say GOOD BYE to the year of 2008 and i will welcome the year of 2009....GOOD-BYE 2008 and the most important thing is..GOOD-BYE to all my SADNESS....i will welcome the new year with a NEW HEART...this is what i should do rite? i know i will think back what i did in 2008, but i will make sure i learned something in that year... I WILL BE STRONG....SOrry, cause i know i still the same...i like to CRY...very sorry fren, i cant change this...Very very sorry...

* may be i spoilt my frens mood today, they should be celebrating now, i would like to apologize..i will still wish them HAPPY NEW YEAR..very SORRY...*

我不想忘记你

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

A Song that Remind me of someone...

I heard a song today... it reminded me of someone that is special to me... When things come to certain point...it will be very tiring....u start to choose to forget...meanwhile, u are struggling cause there is a voice that asking me not to forget and give up.... i told u i will be waiting patiently, as u said, u start to ask yourself how long can u stand...When nobody is beside you when u alone... no one talk to u in the night...u start to feel that all things is going wrong...

I know i miss you but i realised may be u do not need me anymore in your life...When i think of that...i totally lost...i do not know what should i do if things really come that way...You are so important to me...and i am very sure what am i thinking for now...If things really come that way, then what am i going to do? i do not dare to think cause i know is scary and hurting....

When u din reply me, i will start to think much...and think alot of nonsense...u say u will sort out your mind when things are being settled...and i really feel unsecure and i scared when i trust u more...you will take things for granted....You are right...i am crying and i do not have any flu... U said u don like tears and how can i tell u i am crying cause i miss u?

I dont like people saying "take care"to me..because it seems like saying bye bye and really "take care" of yourself... it is like ending a relationship and we will not see each other anymore... so, i really hate this "take care".... i am trying hard to hide myself...but u seems to know everything..and this will make me miss u even more....i pray and i pray...why things do not come in the way i want? i am scared at this moment....who can i tell and who can share with me...? cause really not many friends that know what am i thinking and what situation am i in....i feel unsecure and totally lost...sobzz...T.T..

I am super TIRED...

You know what is the time now? It is 5 am in the morning...i feel tired...at this time, i should be lying in my blanket and dreaming...but i stil awake here and blogging...This become one of my habit d...Before offline and off my laptop, i wish to post somethind new in my blog...

Actually i am doing one of my assignment, so i stayed until so "early" in the morning...i really feel the tiredness...i faced the laptop for 6 hours d...is very tiring... i have the last 2 parts to finish my public law assigment...but i really do not wish to continue...cause i very lazy and dizzy...So, i will continue it tomorrow...and start another assignment tomorrow...

When i am doing the assignment...i cant concentrate actually..i do not what am i thinking...i cant control myself....if i feel tired, i will take a short rest by reading my friends blog...and u guess what? i saw a friend of mine is replying another friend of mine de question in her blog...erm..may be she is right...should i turn back? May be as what she said..let go is a better choice...do not turn back and jus walk straight...can i do this? can my friend who was asking and need an answer, can do this also? i feel scared if my friend take the advise cause i feel that... " HEARTBREAKING" is waiting me again...

What I can tell u is...i should turn back for my own ..may be for this moment or may be for a longer period...i think i wont give up so easily...maybe for my friend...she need someone to guide her..and give her opinions...no matter what is your decision...i will support u...although it will be hurting ...but i cant be so selfish... cause this is what u want..But honestly, when i read that blog...ermmm...i really do feel hurt and scared...cause may be the another friend of mine will just follow what the friend had said...i know is confusing..about who and who...but i know the one reading it..will know...rite?

*YAwn* is time to sleep.. TIRED...sleep then dont think so much...what i can do is...WAIT PATIENTLY....and i know..by one day, when my friend sort out her mind..she will tell me the answer...i believe she will make her mind clear and think of it all over again after she settled her things...

Rite? the beloved friend of mine... you know who you are... nite nite my friend..Do miss u and hope to see u soon... tata ^^

Is things going Rite soon? baby Fish Rene hope so*

I just talk to someone...i feel extremely better after finish talking....Phew...feel tired...when u want to explain about those misundestandings...it really need alot of time and patience....i do not know what should i do...but i will prefer to WAIT...while waiting...may be i will feel horrible and lonely...but i choose to WAIT..cause i wont give up so easily..may be there will be a time that u told me something unnecessary ....when that time come and i will TOTALLY quit.. But for now..i don wish to quit cause i know what am i thinking now...don feel that i am a burden to u..cause i am not!!! i am big enough to decide my things and think properly..

Today i live like a dead people..normally i talk loudly and laugh loudly...but this few days...i keep quiet and my uncle feel extremely weird...y i become so quiet? u know why..no need explain... today i went out with my fren but i can feel that my heart is not with me...terrible..tsk tsk.. i walk like a dead ppl...i eat like a dead ppl...i drive like a dead ppl..normally i drive very ganas de..cause kl-drivers ma...and u know what?!! i drive like turtle today...and i went wrong directions...i want to go to Giant and buy ESKINOL...but i tell u a secret...shhh...i do not know where i went..when i realise, it is too late..what i can do is i just turned back and i went back home....stupid rite? so, i am going there tomorrow again..!!

Is time to sleep , cause my eyes is bengkak...and tired...should rest more...haiz....nite everyone..

Breaking-Down

U said u do not want to lose me as a fren and do not want to hurt me....but...what i can tell u is...U are hurting me more by getting close to me and giving hope to me....Just go away and i will quit....i do not hate u at all....U just go away..i will be more independent from this second...i know is hard to lose someone in my life but i will try hard...do not feel guilty and don worry about me anymore...i am ok...

What u should do is go toward to your ex...and tell her what u think..just tell her u need her and i think she will be understand...good luck to you....for now....i need to heal my wound and keep myself away in a dark and lonely world...There is alot of things i should think on my own and decide on my own...One day, when i walk out from this scary and lonely world...i will be brand new again....I hope this day will come fast and i want myself to be totally brand new..I will pull myself to the right track again...and i swear..!!! i will not go into that track again....

Now, this moment...tears keep rolling down and i really cant control myself at all..but is ok...let it be...Sadness, heartbreaking .... please leave me as far as u can...do not stick on me...i do not need u though... I will get better and better...and one day may be when U pass by me... i will forget U and have my happy life again...

Although i cannot see sunshine now...but i know i will see it soon.. Rainy days will leave me and i will see a rainbow again... Now, u have your own life and i have my own life also...just face the days with a sincere heart and do not hurt anyone again...cause i know...is REALLY HURT..

I am going back to IPOH..my beloved hometown..

Now is 2.29 pm...and i am going back later in 3.45pm by taxi..you know what..i just woke up and straight away go to online already...and the first thing i see is my fren's blog...funny rite? last time, when i was connected to the line , den i will go view my frenster profile.haha..anyway is ok..i got a bunch of frens started to blog...i feel duh...har? i blog since 2 years ago and now izit you all punya new trend? such an outdated rite? DONT FEEL OFFENSIVE here..i have the right on what i say and don sue me cause i will sue you back!!!

For me blogger is a good place to communicate..what u think and when u have no courage to tell what u think, den BLOGGER is the best place to throw all your thinkings...not bad rite? so when i feel sad, i will blog...if no sad, no blog will be updated..!!!haha....

This few days i feel more...should i say it was "happier" or what...cause my heart got a lot of feelings....or may be i feel "relief"? "sad" ? Dont know la...let it be ba..cause i am going back to ipoh!!!! there, my parents will treat me the best....so what should i worry? haha...i will here again in next year january cause my house's maxis connection is extremely bad so cannot online...

Will miss you all...will miss blogger.. will miss facebook and alot...see you all soon...and u guess what..i am HUNGRY now....have to go to bath and get prepare...see ya, buddies..!!